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»IF YOU ARE A TITTIE BAR VIRGIN, READ THIS FIRST!!

Men's obsession with breasts starts at a very young age, when we are hella hungry and unbearable, and that hunger stays with men throughout their young meaningless lives, until one day the hunger is so great that something must be done about it!

Breasts, or as i like to call them: titties, come in many shapes and sizes and are only found on chicks. These chicks are what stand in our way to reclaiming titties as our own.

Tittie bars make it possible to study breasts in an agitated yet natural state, and is often frowned upon by other women, but this article isn't about those women.

If you are or you know somebody that makes a living working in a tittie bar, Dr. Fritz would like to hear from you!

fart!
Man #1: My wife is going to kill me if she finds out I came out to the tittie bar!!

Man #2: Stop being a pussy and tip the bitch!

Man #1: My wife didn't give me allowance this week.

HELP! My Girlfriend won't let me go to a tittie bar!, by Dr. Fritz.

HAS YOUR GIRL EVER TRIED TO GIVE YOU A LAP DANCE?
We've all had it done at one point in the relationship, right guys? Your girlfriend happens to find out about your interest in tittie bars and decides she is going to convince you not to go by giving you a once in a lifetime performance, except the thing is, she doesn't move nearly as sexy as the professionals on stage.

LET US HAVE OUR FANTASY
This is not to say that girlfriends are worth less than the performers in tittie bars, it is just that those performers offer something that girlfriends all over cannot possibly offer, and that is a different set of tits to play with.

Having a girlfriend give it up to you everyday is nice, but there is something magical about being able to walk into a tittie bar and there are lots of gorgeous women walking around you. Even though it is a fantasy, it is still a fantasy with scantily clad women walking around you, making you feel special in all the right places.

Another nice thing about tittie bars is that you are not only exploiting women, you get to see the actual women exploiting themselves, as they make their way around the tittie bar at various time intervals offering you a private "lap" dance. The awesome thing about it is that you have already seen them naked and contort their bodies for a dollar at a time, that you really don't have to take them up on their offer. So you politely say no to them. They will try to come back later, trying to make a quick buck, which is fine if you do, but think about this. Where else in the world are you going to have the opportunity to say no to a lap dance from a beautiful girl? These same girls that come up to you letting you cop a feel for twenty bucks would not give you the time of day if you were to approach them at the mall! So go ahead guys, feel them up or refuse them, either way you win!!

NOW, if you are having a hard time convincing your woman to let you go to a tittie bar, here are some things you can try to compromise, because if there is anything guys do know, it is always compromising to a selfish bitch. I have made a list of why tittie bars are not only useful, but recommended by me, Dr. Fritz, as part of a healthy well balanced diet.

REASON #1: You can't get AIDS from a strip club. Would your woman rather have you go get a woman outside the realm of a strip club, in which you then risk taking the relationship further and increasing your chances of getting a sexually transmitted disease? I think not, which brings up...

REASON #2: It ain't cheating, period. You go to a tittie bar to use a woman's body. You are not their to develop a relationship or to hear her sob story of why she is working at the strip club. I think your lady back home would prefer the distant non-developing relationship of a customer and a whore than for you to become chummy with one of your co-workers.

REASON #3: Hey, bitch, it ain't the rent money! If you can afford it, why not? It's your goddamn money! Now if your woman makes more money than you and controls every single thing that you do, then you have to change your life so you can be in a position of arguing with your woman about your money and not risk getting thrown out of the house. You know how when you catch your woman when she brings something home from the mall? Well, the beautiful thing about the tittie bar is, there is no evidence! As long as you are not stupid enough to bring back home any signed polaroid pictures, you should be set!

REASON #4: Her friend is a stripper. All girls have a friend who at one point in their life has either stripped or screwed for money, and as much as she rags you about your friends who she thinks are a bad influence, you have never said a bad thing about her slutty stripper friends. So if she is to make you stop from going to tittie bars, then she has to stop from seeing her slutty friends.

REASON #5: You let her go out on girl's night out. What do you think girls do on girl's night out? They go out somewhere, and because of the large amounts of poontang traveling together, they manage to attract a bunch of men. Wether they make any advances on these men is irrelevant, for they crave the attention from guys other than their boyfriends or husbands and probably even manage to score a few free drinks in the process. Women not only demand that they be allowed to have fun, but they will try to prevent you from having fun to begin with! Where the hell are our free drinks when we go to the tittie bar?

REASON #6: It's fun to watch a bunch of scantily clad women walking around letting all of their bodies hang out. Hell, we wouldn't have girlfriends to begin with if we weren't wired to get turned on by titties. By denying men of titties is to deny men their rights as human beings!!

and finally...

REASON #7: We always come back home after the tittie bar.
who's the bitch now?
January 2004
Dr. Fritz: Unlicensed Medical Guy sexed101.com


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